All She Ever Had

Was it weird that she thought it felt good to run that blade across her wrist?
It felt nice and calm to pass out after the blood had run out of her arm.
It felt as though she had some control over some facet of her life.
She controlled whether she lived or died.
Only she cared what happened.
One day she cared to live.
One day she cared to die.
Was it weird that it was so fun to drive so fast?
So fun to turn that fast.
So fun to flip the car over.
She made it do that.
No one hit her.
No one grabbed the wheel.
And when it flipped and rolled it was the wildest ride.
Was it weird that she always walked that close to the edge?
And that day when she jumped she felt the most free she ever had in her life.
The landing was exquisite.
Like nothing before.
Do it or not, always her choice.
Jump or not.
Live or die.
Of course she never did any of these things.
She never did anything.
But she knew she could.
Slash her wrist,
Flip her car,
Jump from a cliff,
It was all up to her and that is all she had.