EX # 6
Obviously my last post was a big jumbled mess, I really didn't want to write it. The whole point was to chronicle the relationships and to show myself I don't date failures. Though some of my dating experiences are failures, but that's how you learn. All in all I look at them all as growing experiences. I'm not bitter about any of them. It's just that I'm not very proud of the person I was when I was with Jeremy. That's possibly why I put it off for so long. Once again, this bears no reflection on him, He's a great guy, it has everything to do with me and who I was and who I couldn't be. I'll try to be more coherent here.
Right at the tail end of Jeremy moving out, I went to a competition my old high school marching band was in. I met up with John and Mike, two guys that were a couple of years younger than me in high school. It was the fall, they had just graduated that spring. We hung out a few times and John and I got together.
John was like a breath of fresh air. The best way to describe it was that it wasn't hard. The last relationship was so hard. We both had issues with which to deal. John really didn't, he was a good listener and very patient. His advice was always fabulous. "What, your depressed? Just stop it!" A lot of times, I was like, just stop eh? I didn't know it was that simple.
Was it? Not exactly, it came down to writing down all the bad feelings and whether who I felt bad about ever read it or not, it still helped. What good would telling my parents that they were bad parents do anyway? None, it would just make them angry with me. Denial of responsibility is a big thing in my family.
Another good thing was John was away a lot. He went to Purdue for his first year of college. It was disappointing at first. I was used to having my boyfriend under foot. It turns out I prefer to be on my own alot. I didn't realize this before. At about this time I went to work one time and when we get started at an inventory we have a meeting, I looked accross the group and there was my old buddy Cecil. Cecil and I in high school had a pact if we didn't have prom dates then we would go together. I was dating Matt when prom came around and so Cecil went with some skanky girl also named Jessica ( I always thought of her as that gross skanky girl who hang out with my joke buddy Carrie M.) I teased him at the time, just had to take a Jessica but all he could find was a bad substitute of Sweet 'N' Low because I have no Equal. (Uh, if you didn't laugh at that, I don't care, because he did.) Anyway, Cecil built me my first computer, which gave me internet for the first time, and hooked me up with John while he was gone via e-mail. This was also the time Cecil got my younger brother and I hooked on Resident Evil games. We spent an insane amount of time playing Resident Evil 2 on that computer and it was a blast. However we never beat the second disc, it had a flaw on it and wouldn't run. (I know, boo hoo)
When John saw my computer he laughed and said, if you wanted a computer I could have built you one and it would have been better than this one, but it will do. (Ah, the good old days when I had Windows 95.)
As far as dates go, we did the standard, dinner and a movie, or we would go and hang out at a mutual friend of ours Dave's house. Or to his Aunt's house. Yes we had Sex, it was better with John I suppose, or maybe it was just different. I was not too interested at this point, it was just something I did.
The best thing about John was that he was encouraging. The previous winter when I was with Jeremy I quit college. It was all in my head, I was tired of school, I picked the wrong college I think. For high school, I went to a kick ass college prep school called Cathedral High School. As a result I was prepared for college, too well, I'm really impatient and to start with at college I was essentially repeating high school. Really annoying, it seemed a waste of my time and money if all they were going to teach me was what I already knew. John encouraged me to go back to school. I didn't go but the encouragement was nice. No one had encouraged me on the college front before.
Why did it end? John was a good on paper guy. He had the drive to go far. But like me, he's a snob. I wasn't really ready to go back to school, he thought I should, he couldn't understand it. So during a busy month at work he and I couldn't connect at all that month. So he called and we had a discussion. He and I agreed that we did like each other a lot, but busy or not if we really wanted to be together we would. What does that say about our relationship. So we decided to be just friends.
Now after my older brother moved out, my younger brother moved in. Shortly thereafter, Cecil moved into the third bedroom. This was because Cecil said, "I'm being gang-raped by the utility companies in Brownsburg!!!!!" True story, that's what he said. I still went out with John, but we weren't a couple.
John transferred into IUPUI in Indianapolis. His dorm was right down town and he had his own room. One night I went to visit him and we played Gran-Tourismo. I swear that's what we did. Now my brother and Cecil teased that that's just what we called it.
I started to see John less and less. I hung out with my sister and her husband more and more, and they started to hang out with a certain local "musician" at about that time which is where I will stop for now........
to be continued........
Right at the tail end of Jeremy moving out, I went to a competition my old high school marching band was in. I met up with John and Mike, two guys that were a couple of years younger than me in high school. It was the fall, they had just graduated that spring. We hung out a few times and John and I got together.
John was like a breath of fresh air. The best way to describe it was that it wasn't hard. The last relationship was so hard. We both had issues with which to deal. John really didn't, he was a good listener and very patient. His advice was always fabulous. "What, your depressed? Just stop it!" A lot of times, I was like, just stop eh? I didn't know it was that simple.
Was it? Not exactly, it came down to writing down all the bad feelings and whether who I felt bad about ever read it or not, it still helped. What good would telling my parents that they were bad parents do anyway? None, it would just make them angry with me. Denial of responsibility is a big thing in my family.
Another good thing was John was away a lot. He went to Purdue for his first year of college. It was disappointing at first. I was used to having my boyfriend under foot. It turns out I prefer to be on my own alot. I didn't realize this before. At about this time I went to work one time and when we get started at an inventory we have a meeting, I looked accross the group and there was my old buddy Cecil. Cecil and I in high school had a pact if we didn't have prom dates then we would go together. I was dating Matt when prom came around and so Cecil went with some skanky girl also named Jessica ( I always thought of her as that gross skanky girl who hang out with my joke buddy Carrie M.) I teased him at the time, just had to take a Jessica but all he could find was a bad substitute of Sweet 'N' Low because I have no Equal. (Uh, if you didn't laugh at that, I don't care, because he did.) Anyway, Cecil built me my first computer, which gave me internet for the first time, and hooked me up with John while he was gone via e-mail. This was also the time Cecil got my younger brother and I hooked on Resident Evil games. We spent an insane amount of time playing Resident Evil 2 on that computer and it was a blast. However we never beat the second disc, it had a flaw on it and wouldn't run. (I know, boo hoo)
When John saw my computer he laughed and said, if you wanted a computer I could have built you one and it would have been better than this one, but it will do. (Ah, the good old days when I had Windows 95.)
As far as dates go, we did the standard, dinner and a movie, or we would go and hang out at a mutual friend of ours Dave's house. Or to his Aunt's house. Yes we had Sex, it was better with John I suppose, or maybe it was just different. I was not too interested at this point, it was just something I did.
The best thing about John was that he was encouraging. The previous winter when I was with Jeremy I quit college. It was all in my head, I was tired of school, I picked the wrong college I think. For high school, I went to a kick ass college prep school called Cathedral High School. As a result I was prepared for college, too well, I'm really impatient and to start with at college I was essentially repeating high school. Really annoying, it seemed a waste of my time and money if all they were going to teach me was what I already knew. John encouraged me to go back to school. I didn't go but the encouragement was nice. No one had encouraged me on the college front before.
Why did it end? John was a good on paper guy. He had the drive to go far. But like me, he's a snob. I wasn't really ready to go back to school, he thought I should, he couldn't understand it. So during a busy month at work he and I couldn't connect at all that month. So he called and we had a discussion. He and I agreed that we did like each other a lot, but busy or not if we really wanted to be together we would. What does that say about our relationship. So we decided to be just friends.
Now after my older brother moved out, my younger brother moved in. Shortly thereafter, Cecil moved into the third bedroom. This was because Cecil said, "I'm being gang-raped by the utility companies in Brownsburg!!!!!" True story, that's what he said. I still went out with John, but we weren't a couple.
John transferred into IUPUI in Indianapolis. His dorm was right down town and he had his own room. One night I went to visit him and we played Gran-Tourismo. I swear that's what we did. Now my brother and Cecil teased that that's just what we called it.
I started to see John less and less. I hung out with my sister and her husband more and more, and they started to hang out with a certain local "musician" at about that time which is where I will stop for now........
to be continued........
posted by whitechoclatespacegg @ 10:02 AM
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