Remembering

The time comes to reflect on those who have come and gone in one's life.

Today is the anniversary of my sister Joyce's death. I've been thinking about her a lot lately.

There has been so much loss lately. Not necessarily people wise I just feel a sense of loss.

Not every year is like this, it's just particularly hard this year.

I always take a portion of this day and go to the cemetary to visit.
This is the poem I wrote in the days after she left us:

Happy Father's Day
Early in the morning
I have yet to rise
I hear car doors open and close
There are voices outside
People walking very fast
Judith comes running into her room
She climbs into her bed
Proceeds to cry.
I ask her what is wrong
She says I will find out when I get up
I am very confused
I decide to get up
I open the door to the hallway
It sits next to the front door
The front door opens and people enter
Firemen carrying a stretcher
They carry it onto the patio
I watch and see what Judith is crying about
Our sister's lifless body as they try to revive her
Her limp body being lifted onto the stretcher
They carry her away
Happy Father's Day.

It is Father's Day
They are taking her body away in an ambulence
My mother goes along
Dad is staying with us
He tells us as we rise
Where were we when she took her fatal swim
The extra sleep was not worth it
It is too late to worry about that
We all sit and wait
A policeman takes a statement from Dad
They look at all the conditions
They look to place blame
It is not our fault she could unlock doors
It is not our fault she rose early(or was it?)
The phone soon rings
I pick it up
Mom says, "She's gone"
Dad picks up the other phone
As if he hopes there is still a chance
He needs to hear again because he can't believe
Realization sets in
He sobs
It is the most awful sound I have ever heard.

I call some friends
They do not believe me until they see the news
How can I joke about that
The funeral is Tuesday night
We have to go see the body first
Privately we say good-bye
She looks like a doll
She feels like a doll
A beautiful doll in a liitle white box
I can't believe they make them that small
All I can do now is wonder why
Even my brothers cry
Father Michael comes to pray with us
He brought holy water and sprinkles her
He gives her her final shower
Together we are a family
It seems for the very last time because she's not alive
We are at the funeral now
The church is packed
There is not a dry eye in the church
Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be alright
How can they know
They are all stupid
They just want to make me smile
Don't they know she was the only light in my life?
It has not been a Happy Father's Day
Jessica-1993

It used to make me sad but now it is not crippling as it used to be. The whole event changed my life in such a way that I wasn't able to come to grips with until the last couple of years. I was unable to cope for much of high school and I believe in part I can attribute that to this one event. I think part of that made me angry at her, for dying. She was my purpose. At the time I wanted to take care of her after high school, after college. After she was gone, I had no plan. I never realized this was, partly why. Otherwise I didn't know what I wanted to do. But I never knew why I had no direction until much reflection and growing up I've forced on myself in the last few years. It's like a light went on and then I could finally let her go and stop blaming and start living.

She wasn't a cause, she was my sister. I should honor her as such. I don't think we talk about her enough. Some people were too young to remember her and how special she was. Anyway, she is loved and will always be missed.

Resident Evil Degeneration

Let me preface this by saying I'm mostly doing this because I can't believe how long my latest Uwe Boll rant has stayed up. I've steered clear of his movies, trust me. It will still be a while. I still haven't gotten over "SEED."

Ok, flash back to when I first heard about them making a Resident Evil movie. I thought that would be pretty cool. I've loved Resident Evil from the first time I played Resident Evil 2. Have spent many hours playing or watching people play these games. So "Resident Evil" came out. Not really what I was hoping for in a movie. This first movie seemed to strip Resident Evil down to nothing more than another Zombie story. "Apocalypse" used a little more from the game but still not what a fan would want. (By fan I mean me, and everyone I've talked to about this.) "Extinction" was just plain ouch. I feel like this franchise was handed a product and they changed it to their liking with no regard to the masses of fans out there. Sure you have to change a few things but these changed too much, and didn't use enough. Resident Evil isn't just Zombies.

"Resident Evil Degeneration" brought me what I wanted, Claire and Leon back together. The CG is awesome. It is action packed and just what I wanted.

I don't really know what else to say. I can go on and on about movies I hate but this one I didn't. All I can think to say it was totally awesome. Oh, and Leon doesn't love Claire, He loves Ada!

A Uwe Boll Rant....SEED.

I have long supported Uwe Boll. I'm a firm believer that people should find a career path that
makes them happy. You know, as long as what you are doing makes you happy. In his case, he can keep making movies that are not great. I know huge understatement! There will always be someone out there to watch them.

One problem with his movies usually is that he either under explains or over explains what is going on. Some movies underestimate the intelligence of their viewers. I hate that. I can usually figure out what is going on. If I can't figure it out then there is a problem.

A prime example of over explaining would be in "Bloodrayne" when we have watched the entire movie and then at the end we get a flashback of the entire movie. Of course, Rayne flashed back a lot in that movie, but I just watched the movie and saw all that stuff and then she's sitting there on the throne obviously reflecting then I get to watch the whole movie over again in her head. I can tell she's going over it, do I really have to see all of it again?

The best example I can think of that is the opposite is "Seed." It was just a mess, and it was just a mess, one minute they are watching tapes sent to them from a serial killer, the next they are going to his house and searching through a pitch black house for him with a very small force of sheriff's deputies and armed each with a gun and a flash light. Oh, did I mention they couldn't see? Well that's not the point. The point is that I had no idea how they figured out who or where he was.

Another problem is his movies seem to have poor casting. Tara Reid wasn't even convincing as a human being in "Alone in the Dark." How about Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez in a movie set in medieval times "BloodRayne." Oh yeah, along those lines also Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds and a lot of the cast of a Dungeon Siege tale. I can't speak on "Postal." I haven't seen it.

So, "Seed." What to say besides what I've said already. This movie is meant to show his critics that they are wrong and he can do a good job. What the result of this was he took everything that was fun about all his other movies and threw that out, kept all the bad stuff, and put alot of messed up really grisly scenes in that were unwatchable, even for me. I'll watch alot, it really takes something bad for me not to want to watch it. He brought overkill to a whole new level.

It starts off with some really disturbing scenes of what looks like actual footage of animals being cruelly tortured to death. I guess the serial killer is watching them? Then we see a cop having a nightmare that the serial killer got out of jail. What did they catch him? We see a guy in an electric chair and an annoying man complaining that he doesn't want to kill anyone else in that chair. Then we see the cops sitting around the tv watching footage shot by the serial killer. Then all of a sudden they know who he is go right to his house walk right in, more grisly scenes because they didn't have so much as a flood lamp and it was night time in the woods and raining. Then they execute him and the chair never got replaced and he didn't die and then. Oh well, I guess I won't give it all away. I didn't find the least bit believeable, what I understood, even though it was loosley based on actual events. That's the worst part.

I don't recomend it at all, or maybe watch it with your eyes closed. I don't suggest drug ingestion or alcohol use if and when you watch it either. I'm sure it wouldn't enhance the experience at all.

I'm done with this one. It was so disturbing that I'm thankful I did not watch it alone. When my sister fell asleep I turned it off and went to bed. It bothered me that much. Comments are as always welcome.

Contemplation

I guess I've been thinking too much lately. Because I get asked so many questions. Like what are you doing with your life? Why aren't you married yet? When are you going to marry Jeff? When are you going to have kids? The first, I don't have a clue, I just play it by ear. The rest, what like it's my fault. But people ask because siblings are doing these things.

Honestly these questions just bum me out. It's not like I don't want any of these things. I don't want them right now. I'm not really in a place where these things would be convenient. Not that I think that they would be easier if I was completely debt free. Why I'm not is Jeff doesn't want to.

To understand why Jeff doesn't want to you have to know a little more about his background. He's an only child. When he grew up and got married. His father bankrupted the family not telling anyone they were in trouble, not even his wife. So you can imagine her surprise when the repo guys showed up and then they lost the house. So Jeff came back from West Lafayette to save the day. Got them an apartment and enrolled in IUPUI. (I'm not sure he technically got to graduate from Purdue. That part is murky. My mind is teaming with useless facts sometimes important info just falls out. But he may have had to grad from IU. Bummer for him.) Anyway, He got married and he and his wife lived with the parents. He and his wife were building a house. You know, you get married and start a life, they never did that. He always had his parents in tow. He and his wife moved downtown when the house was done and his parents moved into the house, and never left.

Ok, so Jeff was living the good life married, not living with his parents, they were in his house but taken care of. Then he gets blindsided by his wife. She told him something like, she didn't love him, never did, It wasn't her that married her, she didn't know herself and never would while they were still married. Sorry that's just a cruel thing to say even after she put up with his mom.

His ex-wife is a whole different issue, after everything I've heard about her, I can't even understand why he married her. I met her a few times when they were married. Jeff is the cousin of my sister Jennifer's Ex-husband David. She used to work at the I-Max and could get us in. I thought she was kind of self-involved. Not a single account of her has led me to think otherwise.
She's the reason he doesn't want to get married again. Imagine having the hopes and dreams of a newly-wed to be planning children, to watch your family grow and then to have someone just take that away. What because she didn't know who she was? If she didn't know that she shouldn't have gotten married. Just when he thought they were planning to have kids she left him.

So there he was, divorced and still taking care of his parents. He had a rebound relationship and then Jennifer and her then husband set us up. Then they got divorced. That was 1999? I don't know the dates are fuzzy now. We bonded sharing notes of peculiar things we had witnessed between David and Deanna, their supposed friend to whom David is now married.

Things between us were progressing nicely, I thought anyway, silly me. I thought we might be moving in the direction of marriage. When it got to the point in our relationship that we should talk about it, I mentioned our living arrangements, how I thought I'd just stay where I was until he wanted to live together and maybe got married. I had no idea he'd already decided never to get married and to never have kids. Isn't that the kind of thing he should say up front? I just kind of let it go back then. I thought about it and they weren't something important to me at the time. I thought one day he might feel differently as I might as well.

Now he's been supporting his parents for nearly 20 years. Normal people would see what a drain they are to their child. He's not really living but he won't talk about it. They hold him back. I confess there was a time when I looked at the situation and felt really secure, like he'd take care of me like that. But more and more I don't think it will ever be like that. He'll never take care of me because he'll always have them. Unless they stand up and take care of themselves or die. Not that I want them dead, just to let him live.

If I broach the subject he shuts down. So what do I do? I think I know why he is the way he is but he won't come to terms with it and I can't do it for him. The thing that makes me sad is I know if I decide I'm ready for the marriage and kids thing, it most likely won't be with him, even if by some chance of fate I should get pregnant with his child, who wants to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married, or have a child with someone who doesn't want kids?

Anyway that's where I am now. I apologize for yet another incoherent post.

Days of Darkness

I once again browsed the horror movie section at Best Buy and found another gem, "Days of Darkness." Of course when I say gem I mean terrible terrible mistake. Not like Caverness mistake but mistake nonetheless.

What to say about a movie chalk full of soap opera actors and nobodys.
Well, it starts out like many Zombie flicks with people that are separated from society as a comet plumets to the earth. The two folks we start out with keep mentioning how dusty they are when they wake up to find themselves covered in dust. Space dust. They find their car really dusty. They mention the dust once more. By now it's glaringly obvious that something is up with the dust. Almost immediately they are attacked by, you guessed it, Zombies. Not just any kind of zombie, but space dust infested zombies.

As they are fighting off their attackers, a truck pulls up, conveniently and helps them out and tells them to follow him in their car. Because if you are fleeing zombie invested territory, it is best to flee in a convoy. Everyone knows that, it's in the ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE. Wait, no it's not, it doesn't say anything about a convoy. Sorry, I don't know what happened there. But they escape following truck guy to an eerily secure base. Yeah, like a bunker, or a cave....That's not familiar.

So let's see, not incredibly original there. Well, then it gets worse from there, there are some cool fight scenes then they figure out kind of what's going on. An alien life form came on the comet and used human bodies as a host. The definite message of this film is drinking alcohol is good for you, that's important in the film.

In conclusion because I'm just writing this to write it, this movie to me was a combination of "INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS," "NIGHT OF THE COMET," "DAY OF THE DEAD," and "GHOSTS OF MARS." Only not even remotely as much fun as any of them. The most fun it afforded was seeing Tom Eplin acting again but he was kind of a jerk in the movie and I just wasn't comfortable with that.

Black Christmas

Here is one more movie remake in the already clogged world of horror movie remakes.
I don't think it's necessary to name them. My thoughts on the matter of remaking any movie, not just the classics, are that if you can't improve upon it, don't try. (Thank you very much PSYCHO remake!) However, this post isn't about remakes, it's about Black Christmas, which happens to be a remake.

To be fair, I haven't seen the original so I can't compare them. I had heard that this offering wasn't any better than the original. Worse actually. It was pretty bad. So bad I'll probably never watch it again. Not to many movies I can say that about, but there it is.

The story is about a bunch of sorority girls being stalked and killed by a crazy person. Real original idea right? There is the regular set up. You know, this one is mean, that one's a goody goody, over there is the misfit. The introduce them and make us care ruse. Hardly ever works, I just wanted the jerks to die. While they were introducing the less than memorable characters, they also decided it necessary to explain the back story through a series of ridiculous flashbacks in which there was the unnecessary use of cg. Something I hate. I'm just guessing though, I don't see any other way they could have made that kid's skin glow.

Que the violins, we have a tale of a family of three, they lived in the sorority house before it became a sorority house. The parents hated one another and the mother hated the son. .He was a freak that glowed green, who can blame her? So of course she cheated on her husband then with her lover killed her husband and buried him in the basement. Of course the son saw all. They chased the son to the attic. Then locked him up there for years and years it seems. Don't worry, in true B-movie fashion, he climbed up to the attic through the walls. I'm sure he was sneaking out of there to eat. So blah blah blah, gag me I almost threw up watching this movie, embarrassing but true, that hardly ever happens, but one thing led to another he killed his mom and her lover and got sent to a mental hospital. Now back to the present he escapes from the hospital and is coming home.

I know I was supposed to feel bad for all those people that died but for the most part I just couldn't care. I wish I could say I was drunk when I watched it, would have made it more entertaining. There was a twist even I didn't see coming but that doesn't make it cool.

Big, big let down, tremendous even, huge let down. It goes on the list of movies that thank gosh I didn't put any money down for it.

Maybe I should review something I like for a change, these bad movies can really depress me.

The Cavern

That's right it's time for another totally unfocused stupid movie review.

So you know that movie "The Descent?" Well it's a great movie. But I'm not reviewing that movie here. "The Descent" is a great movie and highly plausible situation. "The Cave" is yet another caving movie that is better than "The Cavern." I didn't even like "The Cave," but it was better.

We start of on a caving expedition and it's kind of confusing what is going on but somehow they get out and before we know it they are starting another trip to another previously unknown cave system. Now there is this really long drawn out scene around a fire. This I can only assume is to introduce the characters and to get us to like them. It completely fails here. They also introduce the idea that one of them left people behind in a previous expedition.

The next day they finally go into the cavern. Of course there is a creature down there. And lots of fog for some reason. One can only assume that it is to cover up the fact that they are not in a cave.
Or somebody got a fog machine and really wanted to get their money's worth. So there was fog. Despite the fact that there probably wouldn't have been fog in the cave.

So eventually somebody presumably dies. The guy who allegedly left people behind left someone behind here. This is a big theme in this movie. If it looks like someone is in trouble leave them behind. One character thought caves were living things and if he just talked to the cave they would be fine. That didn't work, he got it too.

So pretty much everyone dies. We find out that it was some guy who's plane crashed when he was a kid so he's been fending for himself so he kills people and eats them. There were two girls on the expedition, guess what he did with them?

So I hated all the characters, even the cave dweller. It had bad effects. The camera was jumpy, for effect I guess, suspense? I don't know maybe they had a bad camera man. Whatever it almost gave me a headache from the sheer stupidity of the film. I'm so glad I didn't pay full price for that film.