What, me worry?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

What's happening

Well, so much has happened.
My sister left her boyfriend of course. So now he calls all the time. He has the cell phone that my Mom got for my sister. Well I should say had. He doesn't have it anymore.

So starting last week he constantly called. Jennifer went to visit, taking the kids. He wants to see his kids. More importantly he wants to see her. He wanted to go camping last Friday. Well they didn't go. Thank God! It has been raining practically non-stop. So since he had been calling constantly Mom said he didn't need to have the phone only to harass her. Thursday night he got arrested. I know I've mentioned before that he doesn't have a valid driver's license. His license is suspended. He ran a red light and was speeding. Duh, you get pulled over for that. They didn't keep him in jail, they had too many real prisoners down there. (He can't even get sent to jail properly!) So Friday my Mom and sister went and got his car because it was impounded. Yes, they let him have it. Then he continued calling her. She told him that she wasn't going to console him because he got caught doing something illegal.

Saturday was no different, he kept calling. When she stopped answering her cell phone, work cell, He started calling our house phone. He's been told not to do this, He's been told if he does, his cell will be disconnected. Basically, we shouldn't have to talk to him. He kept calling, he was warned every time, his phone got shut off. So he went to the pay phone down the street and continued to call, begging for his cell to be turned back on. My little sister, Jax, picked up the phone and politely asked him to stop calling. There was a dispute about if he would actually get to see his kids that day. She said he could, but she wasn't staying. He would have the kids, the kids alone. Of course he whined some more.

She took the kids over and Jax went with them. She left the kids and came straight home. Then only 40 minutes later, he called whining for her to pick the kids up. She had told him if he was too upset maybe she shouldn't leave them, but he said it was fine. She went back to get them and then there was more whining about reactivating the cell. You know because what if he got pulled over again and had to call someone! Whatever.......So there was a fight, and screaming, Jax was waiting in the car so she went in to see if the kids were ok. Of course he went off on her too. He accused her of cussing him out. Uh, yeah, right in front of our mother she would cuss him out over the phone, unlikely. If you know my family, you know you don't cuss in front of our mother. She finds it highly offensive, since Jax is 15 she can punish her for it. Jax wouldn't be there if she had cussed him out. Of course he resorted to name calling. He called her a fat bitch. Great thing to say to an insecure 15 year old girl. He said if he couldn't have the cell phone no one could, how mature, he threw it at the wall or the floor, not important, but it's broken now. He also said they couldn't take the kids back, He was going to keep them. Finally he let Jennifer take Noah, the newborn. Then she left and then was called back to take Zeke. He said, WAH WAH, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH DIAPERS OR CLOTHES FOR HIM. WAH, WAH! He's such a baby.

Jennifer asked Jax to not tell anyone what happened. Especially with the phone.
Monday Jax had her ex-boyfriend, John, over. They are still friends, except that he wants to constantly bring up the relationship thing. Dude needs to get with the program, he's gonna dump her three times and then try and get her to take him back again? I told her sometimes it's not in the cards to be friends. Or maybe someday you can be friends with him, just not now. She's still young trying to figure these things out. Jennifer came to me and said, I can't understand why she'll let him come over. Later Jax said that John had never seen Barry (Jennifer's loser) before. I asked her when he had and she said when Barry dropped of Jennifer and the kids earlier that day. Which Jennifer hadn't and wasn't going to mention to me. (John said, "He wasn't wearing a shirt, this troubles me." John's a good kid.) None of my business, I don't really care, obviously she thinks there is something wrong with being with him if she's going to pretend it doesn't happen.

Then Jax said that Jennifer and Barry were negotiating yesterday, Tuesday, about Barry taking the kids for the day. Jax said he said maybe he'd take them somewhere and not tell her where. Jennifer said then he couldn't have them and he relented I guess.

Last night I refused to let Jennifer use my car to get to work. I told her I needed to have gas money up front which she didn't have so she rode her bike to work and then Barry picked her up and brought her home. Then he took the kids. I asked her if this was such a good idea since Saturday he wasn't going to let her take them back and yesterday he threatened to take them somewhere secret. She said he never threatened to take the kids away.

So who do I believe? My 15 year old sister who trust me wouldn't make this up or my older sister who is a liar. It's true I've caught her in more lies than I can count. This is spanning our entire lives.
Anyway, that's where it's at now.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


The time comes to reflect on who have come and gone in one's life.
Today is the thirteen year anniversary of my sister Joyce's death.
I always take a portion of this day and go to the cemetary to visit.
The best way to say it is with these words:

Happy Father's Day
Early in the morning
I have yet to rise
I hear car doors open and close
There are voices outside
People walking very fast
Judith comes running into her room
She climbs into her bed
Proceeds to cry.
I ask her what is wrong
She says I will find out when I get up
I am very confused
I decide to get up
I open the door to the hallway
It sits next to the front door
The front door opens and people enter
Firemen carrying a stretcher
They carry it onto the patio
I watch and see what Judith is crying about
Our sister's lifless body as they try to revive her
Her limp body being lifted onto the stretcher
They carry her away
Happy Father's Day.

It is Father's Day
They are taking her body away in an ambulence
My mother goes along
Dad is staying with us
He tells us as we rise
Where were we when she took her fatal swim
The extra sellp was not worth it
It is too late to worry about that
We all sit and wait
A policeman takes a statement from Dad
They look at all the conditions
They look to place blame
It is not our fault she could unlock doors
It is not our fault she rose early(or was it?)
The phone soon rings
I pick it up
Mom says, "She's gone"
Dad picks up the other phone
As if he hopes there is still a chance
He needs to hear again because he can't believe
Realization sets in
He sobs
It is the most awful sound I have ever heard.

I call some friends
They do not believe me until they see the news
How can I joke about that
The funeral is Tuesday night
We have to go see the body first
Privately we say good-bye
She looks like a doll
She feels like a doll
A beautiful doll in a liitle white box
I can't believe they make them that small
All I can do now is wonder why
Even my brothers cry
Father Michael comes to pray with us
He brought holy water and sprinkles her
He gives her her final shower
Together we are a family
It seems for the very last time because she's not alive
We are at the funeral now
The church is packed
There is not a dry eye in the church
Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be alright
How can they know
They are all stupid
They just want to make me smile
Don't they know she was the only light in my life?
It has not been a Happy Father's Day

It used to make me sad but now it is not crippling as it used to be. The whole event changed my life in such a way that I wasn't able to come to grips with until the last couple of years. I was unable to cope for much of high school and I believe in part I can attribute that to this one event. I think part of that made me angry at her, for dying. She was my purpose. At the time I wanted to take care of her after high school, after college. After she was gone, I had no plan. I never realized this was, partly why. Otherwise I didn't know what I wanted to do. But I never knew why I had no direction until much reflection and growing up I've forced on myself in the last few years. It's like a light went on and then I could finally let her go and stop blaming and start living.

She wasn't a cause, she was my sister. I should honor her as such.
Anyway, she is loved and will always be missed.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Tis Official

I'm going to say it's official now. My sister, Jennifer has actually left her boyfriend. She is currently staying with us at our parents' house. She is also car shopping. So thank God!

Over the weekend he, Barry, aka the moron, came to pick them up for a visit Friday. Jennifer went with them because she doesn't trust him with them. Then Sunday she took them to see him again. Even bad daddys should get to see their children on father's day.

Uh, that's all I have to say now.