What, me worry?

Thursday, September 29, 2005


Yes that's right Tomorrow.
Unfortunately I probably won't see it until Saturday. Boo hoo. I know some people are going to a sneak preview tonight but not me......I have to work. So, Homecoming, "Serenity," or work? Damn, can't get out of work. So either I have to count super fast spending no more than an hour in each store, or just deal and see it Saturday. I suppose I've waited this long, so what's one more day?

Monday, September 26, 2005

Count down to Serenity

"Serenity" opens Friday!!! Serenity is the movie based on the short lived series "Firefly." This show only ran for most of it's first season. I say this because a few episodes never aired. Once it was cancelled FOX allowed them to skip to the final episode which was confusing because the unaired episodes would have explained a lot of the things that happened in the final episode. But that's what happens to shows on FOX. Basically what the show was a western in space. I feel the story is much better than "Star Wars" but I'm so tired of "Star Wars" Anyway, go see it. Um, not right now, it hasn't opened yet, see it Friday...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


First off I have to apologize to people who may or may not already know of the information which I will soon impart. It isn't a very good way to hear it but here it goes.....
I learned a couple of weeks ago at a barbeque for RGIS employees. I walked up to my district manager and he says, "So, I hear you are gonna be an aunt again." to which I replied, "I am? It's news to me!" Now I had noticed the tell-tale bulge of her tummy. I just wasn't sure if she was fat, or pregnant. It's rude to ask a woman when she's due, if you don't know whether not she's pregnant. I thought with the stress she might just be packing on a few pounds. I suspected it was most likely that she was pregnant though, me being all negative and stuff. What would be the worst thing for her to do, have another baby with her moron. Later on I spoke with my Mother who quickly replied, sort of angrily I might add, "He wasn't supposed to tell anyone that." Ding ding ding! We have confirmation.
So this is kind of important to what happened last night. Just keep reminding yourself while you are reading this, "But she's pregnant!"

Quite frequently when I get home I hear arguing upstairs from their room. I never know when the arguing started. I don't know if I'm a trigger or not. Frankly I don't give a damn. Last night was no exception though. My sister Judy and I got to my future former home and of course there was arguing. I heard his most often shouted phrase "Shut up!" Right after I heard the baby make a sound. Then I headed up the stairs because that's where the restroom is and I heard a crash, followed by Jennifer saying, "What did you do that for? That was stupid!" I went downstairs and Judy said that Jennifer told her they broke a glass. Soon we heard more arguing. Couldn't hear a lot of what was said. We were on alert though. Soon we heard a commotion from up there. Judy headed up the stairs asking if everyone was alright. She heard from Jennifer, "If you don't care, why don't you just leave?" Then Judy knocked on the door and asked if she was alright, Jennifer emerged from the room and said, "I'm ok, he's leaving." She took the baby and went down the stairs to the basement. I was downstairs the whole time. Judy was upstairs, he came out and she said, "Dude, you better just go." He said, "I don't have to listen to you, this is none of your business." He screams, "Jenn-Fer!" Because he doesn't know there's an I in there. He comes down the stairs still yelling the name he calls her by. I say, "Just leave." He says, "I don't have to I want to talk to Jennfer." I say, what you need to understand is, this is our fathers house, not yours, you have no power here. You have no rights." He says, "Shut up!" He goes out the door and yells, "JENNFER!" Judy closes and locks the door. He says, "Let me in! I'll sit out here all night!" I call our father and ask him to come over as soon as he gets home. He keeps asking us to let him in and says that Jennifer has to take him to his friends house. I say, "You can't come in until our father gets here and it's doubtful he'll let you in." Jennifer then comes back upstairs with a basket of clothes. I say, "Don't you dare open that door." He says, "Jennfer you got ta take me ta Keith's! SHUT UP! I'm not coming in." Jennifer goes to the door, (Remember, she is pregnant!) He assures her that she opens the door he won't come in. So she unlocks the door goes to pull it open and he pushes his way in the house and she falls to the ground (but she's pregnant!!!! Yeah, he's the best father ever!) Luckily by this point we told her that if she's gonna go we would watch the baby. So Judy was holding him. Barry says, "I have to have my clothes!" He runs upstairs. I call my dad again and tell him that Barry knocked Jennifer down. Dad doesn't know she's pregnant, I didn't tell him that at that time either. He'd see soon enough anyway. Judy and I made our way out the door with the baby and the car seat, to my car. We got in the car. Locked the doors put the baby in his seat, strapped it down and he came out the door and says, "Do they have MY baby? If they take off with MY baby I'm calling the cops." Now I'm thinking, what's he going to tell them? We kidnapped his kid right after he knocked our pregnant sister on the ground? Yeah, cause that's my defense, he was ranting and raving and dangerous, I'd do it again, I'd take that baby anywhere to make sure he was safe from that behavior. Jennifer looked at us, pleadingly and mouthed the words, just go. She had to keep him from the car, he was running at it trying to get in. As you may have guessed, Jennifer was unable to escape with us. We got to my parents house I was still shaking, but we were safe. Now we just had to worry about Jennifer and hope our Dad got there before they left. 20 minutes later our Dad comes home and asks what the hell is going on so we tell him. He says they weren't there when he got there. He was pissed though. He took Judy and went back there to get formula for the baby and some clothes. As he left, he said, "Nobody messes with my kids!!!" Then he packed up some of Dumbasses things and left a note on the door that said he was no longer welcome in the house and he should take his things and leave. Judy said when she was in the room there was a hole in the wall and she realized that they didn't break a glass, they broke glass, he broke the light bulb in the ceiling fan. The ceiling fan which is just over their bed. The bed that they were most likely all sitting on. Or laying, I don't know. There was glass from the bulb everywhere on the floor. So he smashed his fist into the drywall. I don't know if he did it yesterday or another time. It's been weeks since I'd been in that room. Judy didn't find the formula. So I took my other sister Jax with me and we went back to the house and found the note on the door. We must have just missed dad. We went in the house found the formula and took my computer as well. Reason being, I felt it necessary to remove something expensive from the house before he got back and was pissed and started destroying things. It felt good taking the computer. I don't know what my mom is going to say. I know what I will say to her though, "You wanted him out, you wanted an excuse to get rid of him, there it is." I had to go to work last night then after all that crap. Jax told me Judy talked to Jennifer later who said something like, "I think I'm going to forgive him." So Judy said what she's said to Jennifer a number of times, "I don't want to go to your funeral, be careful." Personally I don't want to bury another sister. He may think later on after he's hurt somebody that he didn't mean to do it and that he's sorry. But what good is sorry and I didn't mean to when it's done. When he's killed. I really don't want to bury another sister, and I don't want to bury any neices or nephews either. That's where it looks like we may be headed. So I suppose I'll hear more of the battered woman's mantra once more, "He said he's sorry and he'll never do it again." But if she says, "He said that he wouldn't of had to do that if you hadn't locked the door." Damn, I'd have to punch her myself, except she's pregnant.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Ex # 4

For this ex we take a flash back to my sophomore year. This was the year I met Matt. That year also coincided with the time I dated Joe. I was allowed to talk with Matt because he was friends with Joe. Matt was a freshman that year. He was kind of an awkward at this point in his life. He looked really nerdy. He was tall, very thin, with short red hair and glasses. But who cares how he looked. I became pretty good friends with him at the time. I remained friends with him all through high school. My senior year, after being single for a while, I started dating Matt. By this time he was transformed. I'm not saying he was gorgeous by this point. He was still tall and thin, but his hair was long and he looked cooler. He didn't look nerdy. Looks have never been that important to me. The point is, he had always had a good heart.
So I gave him a shot.

Once again it was a fairly uneventful relationship. That year, I had started my first real job. I began to work for an inventory company called R.G.I.S. It's not bad if you want to get all your hours for the whole week in just a couple of days and have the rest of the week off. I mostly worked on weekends. I remember one specific occasion when he forced me against my will to watch "Braveheart." I can't remember why I didn't want to see it but I really did like it when I gave it a chance. He of course teased me because I was really tired that night from working and he thought I was sleeping. He kept turning the movie off and saying, seriously now, stay awake! At school we had the same lunch period, or our lunch periods overlapped. Uh, it was strange, there were 4 normal lunch periods. They were a half hour each. They started at 11am the last to be completed at 1pm. My lunch was from 11:45am to 12:15pm. How? Because I had the non-existant 5th lunch some called the Channel 1 lunch. It was at this time that they showed the high school news program called Channel 1. I never saw Channel 1 because I was at lunch. Now, lunch didn't always work like that. Just my senior year. I don't know what they do now. They might even have like 6 lunches now. The other half hour during lunch hour like say your lunch was at 11am, at 11:30am would then be your resource period, or as most people might call it, study hall. I didn't have one of those either. I had 8 classes. You only had a normal lunch and Channel one if you had 7 classes.

Anyway, while we were in high school, everything was fine. He took me to the prom. Which of course was lame. The prom that is. I had this really cool dress that I absolutely loved. My older sister Jennifer took me to Sears and we looked and looked and found it and it was perfect. My younger brother said it looked like curtains but he's a boy so who cares what he says. The really sweet thing that Matt did was he asked my friend Megan what my dress looked like. My dress was gold with black accents and the straps were black velvet. He went out to get his tux which included a vest that was black with gold accents. Pretty cool. It looked like we went out together and planned it. He did it as a suprise though. The prom itself was pretty stupid. It was held in a hotel in a really small banquet room. But what my school always did was, we went to the school and left our cars there got on a bus with our dates to get there and afterwards we went back to the school for after prom where they locked us all in the school until it was I don't know 3am? Then they set us loose to go home. Whatever, it was really stupid.

The problems didn't come until after, when I was in college and just didn't want to go out with a high school boy anymore. He was always busy with high school stuff and I was busy with college stuff, so it just wasn't working. He didn't see it that way. He was pretty rude a lot of the time.

I moved out of my parents' house the day I graduated from high school. It was just something I did. I wanted to get away from all the kids because I finally could since I wasn't in high school so I left. I moved in with my Grandmother. My older brother had been away at college in Florida. He graduated and came home that summer. Then our Uncle Joe moved out of my parents' other house so my brother and I moved in there. One of his friends were supposed to move in to but he changed his mind. When we got possession of the property back, it was totally trashed. I have pictures of some of our demolition somewhere I should post them. We had to do a lot of work. Matt came over to help a lot.

Then I started hanging out with my brother and his friends and I had the college thing going on and Matt wouldn't understand all that stuff. I think the biggest problem with the relationship was that it was doomed from the start. See because I was still messed up from the whole Tom thing. I wasn't really able to ever connect with Matt as I had with Tom. I wasn't able to do that with anyone for a really long time in fact. It's not that I wanted Tom still, it was that I was too scared to love someone that much only to lose him again.

Friday, September 09, 2005


Yesterday afternoon I took a step towards my own freedom of the burden of living in this house. I went down to the utilities and told them if the no one called to have the name changed by September 30th to turn everything off. Yeah!! Now if big sis Jennifer and her moron don't go and get it taken care of it is there own fault. What's their problem. Well in their last apartment, they weren't current with their utility bills. In fact lived for a while with no gas. Then when they got that back, they lost their electricity. So when they left, they once again were not current. So they have a balance on their account. My fear is that my Mom will take care of it for them. I hope she won't they won't change if we keep helping them. They may not change anyway, but if they are to, helping will only hurt.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Life Changes

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while knows I've been having several problems with my housemates. One in particular. My sister's boyfriend. I become physically ill when I'm in his presence. I get totally panicked and freak out. If he looks at me funny, or at all or tries to talk to me., I totally panic and blow up at him. And why is it this way? One night I was sleeping and I heard yelling downstairs.
At the time my sister was still pregnant. I was concerned, so I went downstairs, and he, my sister's boyfriend was totally drunk and out of control. I already thought he might get violent, he has a criminal record. Criminal mischief, getting into fights and such. Adding alcohol into the mix just spells trouble. Plus, when my sister first started dating him, she said she thought he drank to much. Now she says he doesn't have a drinking problem.

Why did I let them move in here. One day my sister calls me and says her boyfriend is in jail for non-payment of child support. (He didn't pay because he suspected that his ex was using the money to buy drugs. Who gives a shit, he has to support his kids and they are fed and clothed, she was getting the money from her parents, she had to get it somewhere, their daddy is a dead-beat loser.) The reason she called was because her living situation had become unbearable. Her boyfriend and his gay best friend (whom I think was/is in love with her boyfriend) had been fighting a lot lately. That morning in fact they came to blows. There was throwing things and fists and such. (Some more of the violent tendencies.) Her boyfriend had in fact thrown a full two liter bottle of soda at their house mate, leaving a dent in the mall. (Crazy right?) Well by her own admission her boyfriend had already been drinking that morning. He told his buddy to move out. Went so far as to throw his buddy's sofa out on the porch. Now that her boyfriend was in jail, she was concerned that she would not be able to make her bills. So silly me, I say move in with me, I have plenty of room. She then would not have to worry about his friend who might attack her. When we got to her place. To make sure she was okay that night, the house mate was outside on his sofa. We said, good evening. He said, go to hell. (NICE) These are the kind of people my sister is associating with still to this day.

Fast forward, about a week later, the boyfriend somehow gets out of jail. So my act of charity turns into an act of stupidity. The agreement between us, if he causes trouble, destroys things, throws things breaks things, he's out. I didn't want any of that mess that I saw at their apartment. Then the night I mentioned above happened. I totally freaked out. I was scared because I had never been around that before. I called my sister Judy. She's a lot more willing to say some of the things I won't say. She's kind of like my rock sometimes. Oh, and she lives across the street. I couldn't stop shaking all night, she stayed with me all night. The next day I could hardly function at work. It shook me that bad. I was nervous about him before. He's one of those people that always has the appearance of being drunk, you know like Ozzie Osborne. Now I was terrified. I went to my Grandma's house directly after work that day, and spoke with her. Then I stopped in at my house and realized he was there, and I was alone in the house with him. So I freaked out and went to my parents house. My Mom pretty much calls the shots. She said, give it another try. Blah blah blah. She means well but she wants to make everyone happy which is impossible.

There have been several occasions where we have gotten into verbal arguments. Many times he has said that he doesn't give a shit for anyone in Jennifer's family, he just has to take care of him and his kids. Uh, he was doing such a good job too. From the time they moved in here, last September until now, he was unemployed more often than not. Leaving Jennifer to pay for everything. Except she didn't. I've been paying all the utilities on this house. It's not a small house, it's not a big house, but it's an old house, it's drafty and it needs new windows and you lose a lot of heat in the winter. It costs a lot to heat it, especially when it has to be warm for the baby. For just me I'll keep it at 63 all winter, but with the baby, impossible. I wouldn't have stayed with someone who would disrespect my family so bad. My parents sat and talked with both of them, my father said that Barry (the loser) was not to drink while living in this house. Jennifer was not to buy him alcohol. He drank, she let him. One occasion, he drank an entire 750ml bottle of SKY VODKA. In one day. (Ewwww! Now you could go through a bottle of vodka in a day, if you are having a party.)What was so outrageous about it was that my boyfriend bought the bottle of vodka for my younger sister for her 21st birthday. She put it in my freezer, unopened, thinking it would be safe. Also she would most likely be drinking it here anyway. She went to retrieve it and it was all gone. When she had the opportunity to confront Jennifer about it, Jennifer said she drank it and she'd buy her a new one. Uh, right, lying for the loser. Why would she be drinking vodka when Barry was so inept in caring for the baby. One occasion when Jennifer and I were at work, Barry was watching the baby, my younger sister came over and was watching tv downstairs. She got there between 4 and 6 pm and stayed until 10pm. She said the baby cried the entire time. She heard no movement towards the baby. She heard Barry say shut the fuck up to the baby. She heard the tv volume upstairs go up so loud it was if she was in the room. Then Barry ran down the stairs into the kitchen, got a bottle out of the fridge and screamed, take it. When Jennifer was questioned about this she said it was her fault, she shouldn't have left the baby with him, he was tired. (What the?) I don't get it, he's the daddy, who cares if you are tired, that's neglect pure and simple.

Many more unpleasant times have occurred since he moved in here, like when he was in jail again, that was the best time, then he got out and damn it, it sucked worse. I saw alcohol around the house, not mine, I keep mine hidden in my room.
The last straw was when my Dad asked if he was drinking and I said I had no hard evidence. Came home to see a whole shelf of beer in the fridge. I took a picture and took it to my parents the next day. But not before taking all the beer out of the fridge, placing it on the floor and posting a sign saying he couldn't have beer in the fridge, it's my fridge, so there. The sign didn't say so there, but I have every right to say no to it. Especially since my parents, the landlords, both agreed, and got his word that he was not to drink. I came home that night and was shocked. He not only put the beer back, he put up a sign on the fridge door that said and this is exactly the note he wrote, punctuation and all, capitalization exactly what he wrote:

"Please Do not toucH my Stuff i dont toucH yours, you want to think im Drinking why dont you Count the Beers every day i dont talk to you please don't talk to me(my keyboard didn't come with an upside down exclamation point but he put two here) Thank you"

Yeah he's a genius. On top of his beer was a second note:

"You touck my Stuff(upside down exclamation point) Guess what im here all day, im going to touck yours,
Leave me alone"

He's clearly a moron. I'm not saying my grammer and spelling and all that is always perfect but an upside down exclamation point and he couldn't spell touch on the second note, and the capitalization, I would have laughed if he hadn't been threatening me.

Then wrote another note and placed it on there. I kept his notes, for evidence and immediately called my mommy. She was finally reasonable on the Barry subject. She'd say she'd tell them to move out. Which didn't exactly work, they are never going to leave. She said she would get Jennifer's assurance that he wouldn't mess with my things. I have a rather large Barbie collection in the house. None really valuable, yet anyway. Not to mention, my whole life is in this house. I've practically lived here my whole life. My mom promised me to call Jennifer right after getting off the phone with me. She must have, Jennifer came down and got the beer the next morning. I found my note in the garbage again, on it he scribbled:

"Baby Touch it see what happens Grow up"

Well, I was merely removing contraban from the refrigerator, Which in actuallity I didn't even have to let them use. Besides, he's the one that started so many petty fights because I looked at him funny. Or, I said "The." Or I said that ALF was a puppet. I can't get over the fact that he thought ALF was a dog.

So I talked to my mom again, and she agreed to let me move into their house. They have a room there they aren't using at the moment. I feel really good about this for me anyway. I'm nervous about what will happen to the house without me there to guard it. Unfortunately I won't have room for everything, like my stove and refrigerator.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on the subject so if you are confused, just ask...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Ex #3

It was at this point in my life when I had dated two guys fairly close together in time. I didn't really want to rush into any new relationships. So I just kind of played the field. I sort of dated a guy named Abe. He kind of had what people call ADD nowadays. He was all over the place. I didn't know if it was because he was 2 years younger than me or if he was just that way. We kind of hung out a lot together at band camp, got to know each other, or rather, I got to know him. He didn't seem to retain any of the information that he gained from our conversations. I found myself telling him things about my life and family over and over again. But he was just a transitional guy but not really all that useful to that effect. It was a lot more work than I wanted to put in. Technically we never went on any dates. Directly after band camp he went to the east coast to be in some play. He was an actor.....So he went to be in a play. He was gone for two weeks. When he got back after a couple more phone calls having the exact same conversations, I dropped him. In the band he was a percussionist, a drummer more precisly. I never dated one of them again.

This relationship was hardly worth mentioning, except that I'm trying to illustrate how all none of my ex-boyfriends are total losers. I'm sure they all went on to be great. Abe was a talented actor.