What, me worry?

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Ex # 5

Ok I said I would get back to this so I am.....

I met Jeremy while I was dating Matt and as I said in the Ex #4 post, that it just wasn't working anymore. He was kind or rude and not very nice to me, and I wasn't so nice anymore either, and that's the time you call it quits I guess.

But that's not exactly true, see because when I was hanging out with my brother and his friends and I met Jeremy, I was interested in him. I wanted to see where that was going so I used the fact that things weren't perfect between us as an excuse to break up instead of ignoring the feelings for Jeremy. I didn't know that's what I was doing at the time. Matt was a better fit for me than Jeremy, I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't explored it though.

Ok, so I was then not dating Matt and instead dating Jeremy.

But it always came back to Tom.....Jeremy knew that, and he mentioned it many times, he knew that it Tom showed up and wanted me back, he I would go with him. I always said this wasn't, but I know now that it was true then.

Ironically that summer I had all my friends from high school over for a party. Tom was there and he met Jeremy. Tom took me aside and asked me what I was doing with this guy, he wasn't right for me. Which was true, I just didn't know it at the time. All I could say was that he just didn't know him.

At the time I was severly depressed. I had a lot of things that I needed to come to terms with and at the time, ignoring them was a lot easier than facing them. All of that I believe would be suited for a different post, I'll go into that another time.

I liked Jeremy because he was smart, funny, and basically brilliant. He still is. I just don't think he knew it all the time. He eventually moved in with my brother and I. Big mistake. I thought I loved him and I thought he loved me. I thought it was perfectly normal that he wanted his own room. That way I could say, see parents, we aren't living together, his room is down the hall. (It was the time I was still going to church.) I told myself that he did love me and the reason that he wanted his own room or to be away from me so much was his artistic temperament. He's a writer. I told myself I should be alone alot too because I wanted to write myself.

So there I was, in over my head and so adult, I lived with my boyfriend, juggling him, and school and a job. Not really so great, I was really messed up.

We had sex before he moved in so I thought he really must love me, he had sex with me. No it wasn't ground-breaking but I thought it was alright, I'd never had sex before. I didn't know any better. He wanted to leave right away, said he had to get up early for work. So I was going to sleep and he was going home. I got up to use the restroom and heard him downstairs, this was about an hour later. He was chatting away with my brother. Had to get up early? Whatever, I wasn't mad, I just figured another artist thing.

Anyway, sex was never great between us. This is no reflection on him, we just weren't compatable there.

Anyway, both of us were to blame for the split, but he was just him being himself which wasn't what I needed. And I treated him like shit because I simply wasn't happy with myself.

My older sister tried to help me to not be so unhappy. She used to invite me down to stay with her and her husband. They lived just outside Columbus, Indiana. We never had heart to heart talks or anything, she never tried to talk about anything with me. She just tried to be there for me. Which I appreciated. But I couldn't talk to anyone about me. Pretty much I felt shame. I knew the relationship was not right. I didn't regret having sex the first time. There were however times when I was working a lot, and still going to school, and I would come home really late like at 3 or 4 in the morning and I would breath a sigh of releif to see his light off. Then I would get in the house and he would get up and want to have sex, and I would do it, I thought if I didn't he wouldn't want me. That's where the shame comes in. I know now that this was stupid and I would never do this again with anyone. I don't know that he would have dumped me for not having sex with me and that's not the point, I beleived he would, I wasn't right with me. I couldn't talk about this with my sister. I thought she had it all. She had the house, two cars and a husband, how could I ever talk about it with her? How could she ever understand what I was going through.

So he moved out and we haven't really been friends since. I know now we shouldn't have dated. I don't regret it, this was a lesson I needed to learn. I learned alot about myself and had I not done this I wouldn't have seen the things I needed to do to make things right for myself in my life. But he's still brilliant, just not for me.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Saturday I got home from work at about 8:45 pm after beginning work at 10am so it was a long day, I was dazed, I didn't have lunch, or even proper break at work. I was a little slow, so forgive me for my temporary lapse and not noticing my mother walking around on crutches.

I asked her what the heck happened to her. She replied, "I ran over myself with my own car."

Of course my response was, "How in the world did you run over yourself with your own car? Weren't you in it?"

She said, "No, I stopped at the top of the hill at work, didn't put on the parking break because I didn't think the car would roll, walked down the hill to open the gate, turned around to see my car rolling towards me."

So my mother has been home all week sore and hardly able to move. On crutches as I mentioned. Luckily she was knocked down and the middle of the car rolled over her, not the tires, and she has escaped the incident with some bruises and scrapes. Thank God she wasn't paralized.

Anyway that is what is going on.

I hope to get back to the ex-posts soon.....

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Curling Request....

I've had a request to know what is going on in the Curling World.

Hooray! The championships are coming up:

2006 U.S. National Championships

Superior Curling Club * Superior, Wis. * Feb. 18-25, 2006

Hotel Headquarters: Barkers Island Inn

Reservations: 800-344-7515

Event chairwoman: Roberta Bergquist, 1-715-398-7452

Men's playdown entrants

Women's playdown entrants

Regional playdown schedule

More information can be found on curling at:


Anyway, enjoy....

Monday, January 09, 2006


Boy has my year sucked so far. It's January so it's an insane time for the inventory business. That's my part time job. Not to mention at my daytime job we have had an insane amount of work. Not many UCC filings but lot's of businesses filing assumed business names and withdrawing and such.....Very busy. Needless to say I'm exhausted.
I work all the time.

Last weekend was the worst though. I worked all day Friday and then went to an inventory with my Mom and sister. (Yeah, the family works with me.) Work was fine. After it was through, since it was Mom's birthday, and I drove separate, I went to Kroger and bought her a birthday cake. I stopped by the ice cream and saw some Edy's Ice Cream. The containers were blue, it was called Touch Down Sunday, and a picture of Tony Dungee, the coach of the Indianapolis Colts was on the container, so of course I bought some. So the weekend was off to a good start, I had Saturday morning off and Sunday morning as well. Finally chance to sleep. So I get home and my Mom and sister pull up behind me. However the house is all dark. How strange that Dad had the Christmas lights off already. They were on when we left. Taped to the door was a note from my sister that said this:

"Mom, Jess(they call me Jess because my name is Jessica), Jill,
The power is out. A flashlight and candles are by the door. Call my
Cell if you need me."

I thought, "Jesus, what a shitty birthday present!" I thought maybe the lines were just down, but my Dad said not, the house caught on fire sort of, there were sparks outside on the back porch where the power connects to the power pole? I don't know the technical term that's just what he said. Anyway, it was nothing the power company could fix. So anyway we didn't have cake, and I deposited the ice cream in the deep freeze hoping it would stay cold in there. So I read by candle light until I fell asleep. Saturday Mom had to work. That left Dad to take care of getting an electrician. Which he fought against. True to form, Dad lets Mom take care of everything. You could say about their relationship that she emasculates him but if he feels that way, he lets it happen. (Not that that has anything to do with this)
After many phone calls to Dad and him whining because the power doesn't work, Mom called my cell and asked me to take care of it. So I told him that Mom wanted him to take call an electrician. He eventually finally got out the phone book. Again he whined and said he would but every damn place was closed. I called one myself, the one Mom had tried and sure enough they were closed. I heard Dad in the other room leaving a message. Then he told me to sit by the phone and wait for them to call him back. So I waited. Eventually it all got straightened out and an electrician came out and worked on it. I was pretty proud of Dad for that. He really didn't want to call them, but he did.

Of course it was an expensive job. They came on Saturday after all. So now Dad's gonna bitch about that for a while.

Anyway, hopefully in a couple of weeks the year will get better when things calm down. Hey, I'm off Wednesday night.